


The Forger and the Pointman

by QueenThayet



Series: The Secret Sex Club [10]
Category: Inception (2010), next big thing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Medieval, Banter, Fanfiction of Fanfiction, M/M, Next Big Thing HGTV Universe, Secret Sex Club, so meta it hurts, terrible puns
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-02-07
Updated: 2018-02-07
Packaged: 2019-03-14 20:27:57
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 563
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13597758
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/QueenThayet/pseuds/QueenThayet
Summary: In-universe fanfic for EGT's HGTV-verse. Total crackfic. Eames is a blacksmith. Arthur is a swordsman. They banter.





	The Forger and the Pointman

**Author's Note:**

  * For [oceaxe](https://archiveofourown.org/users/oceaxe/gifts).
  * Inspired by [Dream Bigger](https://archiveofourown.org/works/9784928) by [earlgreytea68](https://archiveofourown.org/users/earlgreytea68/pseuds/earlgreytea68). 



> This is utterly ridiculous and all the fault of Amy and Oceaxe. Oceaxe wanted a Blacksmith/Swordsman::Forger/Pointman pun fic. Somehow I wrote some dialogue, inspired entirely by the hot shepherd fic that Arthur writes for Eames in EGT's NBT. So I set it in my secret sex club series, and it's in-universe rpf. Except the forger and the pointman thing makes NO SENSE in the HGTV-verse. It's entirely too meta to live. Thank you to Amy who came up with the connection to the promo material so I could put this in the HGTV-verse. And to EGT for letting me play in her sandbox.

**A/N: This is your standard warning that this is RPF for Arthur and Eames from all our favorite HGTV shows. If you got here by googling yourself or someone you know and you don’t want to read A/E fanfic, you should probably hit the back button. For everyone else, I have no idea, truly, this is just pure ridiculousness, you should probably also back away slowly. But I saw that promo for _Coming Home_ with all the sword banter/innuendo (guys, are they doing a Penis House? It looks like they’re doing a Penis House. Are they designing a gay sex club?), and then Oceaxe said she wanted a Swordsman/Blacksmith fic and this just... happened. I have no excuses. **

One day, an attractive man in very tight hose knocked on the open door of the blacksmith’s forge. 

“Come in,” called Eames, the blacksmith. 

“Are you the blacksmith?” the attractive man asked.

“I prefer to be called the Forger, but yes,” Eames responded.

“Why do you want to be called ‘The Forger’?”

“Because I’m in a forge! Like a villager is in a village!” Eames said excitedly. Eames really enjoyed wordplay. 

“That doesn’t make any sense. You don’t call someone in a town a towner, or someone in a castle a castler.” 

“Maybe you should!”

“Whatever, my sword needs work, can you do that?” 

“Of course, darling, I’d be happy to help,” Eames said with a suggestive eyebrow waggle. “I’m Eames, by the way.” 

The attractive man glared and placed a sword (an actual metal sword) still in its scabbard on the bench between him and the blacksmith. 

“Oh, you meant an actual sword?” 

“Yes, I’m a swordsman, so yes, an actual sword,” Arthur rolled his eyes. 

“That’s fine, I can take care of actual swords also. I’m a professional forger,” Eames said confidently.

“That’s not a thing.” 

“It is now. So what name should I put this under, my good swordsman?” Eames flirted. 

“Arthur,” Arthur responded dryly. 

“Arthur,” Eames replied, rolling the name around in his mouth. 

“Yes, that’s my name. When can I expect this to be done?” Arthur asked in an annoyed tone.

“Out of curiosity, Arthur,” Eames ignored the question, “Do you use only swords or are you an expert with other weapons?”

“I primarily use the sword but I’ve trained with knives and halberd as well, why?” Arthur asked. 

“Perhaps instead of a swordsman you should call yourself a pointman.” Eames laughed at his own joke. 

“That’s stupid, why would I do that?”

“To be different, darling, of course?” Eames said joyously. 

“I don’t want to be different, I just want to be the best,” Arthur said. 

“You’ll have to show me your skill with your sword, then.” Eames said lasciviously. 

“I can’t, it needs sharpened and mended, you said you could do it. When should I come back for it?”

“You should come back tonight, I’ll be all ready for you to show me your sword then.” 

“You don’t make very much sense, but I’ll be back tonight for my sword,” Arthur said, rolling his eyes. 

And then Arthur came back that night and Eames had sharpened and mended his sword, and then convinced Arthur to show him his skill with both his actual sword and his other sword and they lived happily ever after together as villagers (but not towners or castlers). The End.


End file.
